I was a member of C.U.S.(T. & n. T.) Car Users Society (Technical and non technical).

There were three other members and we all worked and travelled together by car to Rolls Royce, a journey of some 6 miles each way.

The car or “Cusmobile” was owned by “Lone” he was a metallurgist, he wanted to be a meteorologist but could not spell it. Lone was the driver and hated milk floats.

The second most sensible member (This is a stupid way to categorise anyone associated with CUS) was “A.D.”, a computer whiz.
A.D. was the pacifist of the group and the non-technical member. He was responsible for an incredibly complex mathematical system called “Zero Proof Tick” which was based on OPEC oil prices and was used to calculate, at the end of each week, how much we owed Lone for petrol. As this system took into account all the members borrowing for beer, papers, fags, loans, gambling and the fluctuating pound it required A.D.’s genius to balance the books. On one occasion an outsider wanted to become a driver and use his car. At the end of the week according to "Zero Proof Tick" he owed us money. He never travelled with C.U.S. again.

“Garth”, the third member was a senior scientist who was brilliant, bordering on genius but had clearly slipped into madness. He had a repertoire of inane jokes. Whenever the conversation touched on an area that Garth had a joke for, and there were many, C.U.S. would wait for the inevitable awful story to come. For example, if the topic was the war, Garth would at some point in the dialogue say “My father was in the war”, C.U.S. would pause waiting for the joke to run its course, “He was on the beaches in Normandy when the first shot went off”,“He was back home when the second bugger went off”.
He was the original 7 stone weakling before he joined C.U.S. but inspired by them decided to go weightlifting. For a whole year, every day, he went to the Gym and on a diet of Guinness and R.R. chips doubled his body weight. He was huge. He bought a flashy black sports car and started seriously noticing women. Lone wasn’t comfortable with this bit because, when he became prime minister he said that "He was going to invite all women over thirty-five to a Tupperware party in the Albert hall and then gas them" You understand that Lone views were somewhat radical.